The theme for fall is tend and befriend. We are all familiar with fight, flight, and freeze- the biological, psychological, and physiological response to stress that humans and other animals experience, but newer research shows there is more than that. There is also the tend and befriend response that is mostly shown by females' response to danger.
Tend and befriend was coined by Shelley Taylor, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the University of California, Los Angeles. Tending involves nurturant activities designed to protect the self and offspring that promote safety and reduce distress; befriending is the creation and maintenance of social networks that may aid in this process. The biobehavioral mechanism that underlies the tend-and-befriend pattern appears to draw on the attachment-caregiving system, and neuroendocrine evidence from animal and human studies suggests that oxytocin, in conjunction with female reproductive hormones and endogenous opioid peptide mechanisms, may be at its core. This previously unexplored stress regulatory system has manifold implications for the study of stress.
To make it a little easier, some people respond to stress by caring for offspring and forming alliances with others. In contrast, others tend to close family and befriend others to build a dense social network of mutual help. The tendency to be friendly gives us a better social awareness, helps us understand how to behave empathetically and helpfully, and anchors us in the habit of reaching out to and caring for others. We can respond more effectively to danger by offering ourselves, befriending others, building dense social networks of mutual assistance, and in some cases, even working with other people.
One of the most beautiful things about Yoga is the communal aspect of it. We've been missing that. COVID-19 has us moving into more and more isolation. In light of this, I've been working on creating more social support - from family Yoga retreats to women's circles both online and in person. Stay tuned for more.
In the meantime, join me here on the new moon for a dream weave. We will gather in circle, share support, create a dream collective (where we all dream together with the same intention for 3 nights), and take time to invoke the tend and befriend response.
Sources:
https://scholar.harvard.edu/marianabockarova/files/tend-and-befriend.pdf
You have been forced to enter empty time.
The desire that drove you has relinquished.
There is nothing else to do now but rest
And patiently learn to receive the self
You have forsaken for the race of days.
At first your thinking will darken
And sadness take over like listless weather.
The flow of unwept tears will frighten you.
You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.
Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.
Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.
Imitate the habit of twilight,
Taking time to open the well of color
That fostered the brightness of day.
Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.
Be excessively gentle with yourself.
Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.
Learn to linger around someone of ease
Who feels they have all the time in the world.
Gradually, you will return to yourself,
Having learned a new respect for your heart
And the joy that dwells far within slow time.
